The Cooking Game

Recently I've been trying to get into the cooking game. This stems from many different goals, saving money, trying to be healthy, trying to be a grown man, not being a Croatian immigrant with a Persian wife who is a damn chef, and trying to do some things that #occupy my time. So I thought I'd run through a little cooking lessons for you to step your respective games up. 

Hot dogs + Cheese Itz:

Go to your local store and cop cheese itz, hot dogs (if the hebrew <shout to drizzy drake> national's are on sale get those for sure) and buns. If you don't have condiments i.e. mustard, then definitely gett those too.

Prep your work station by plugging in your forman grill so that its plenty warm and you really get the grilled lines on your dog(s) and they get a crispy outter layer.

Sit down on your couch and watch your favorite sport team. For me, it was UCLA hoops. For you it might be the Dodgers, or maybe Dynamo Zagreb.

Go ahead and open the hebrews <#Drizzy> and get them ready to place on your cooking station (the forman).

Put it on the forman.

Go ahead and put another on the forman because I know by now you're probably plenty hungry.

Treat yourself to some cheez (damn thought it was pelled Cheeze this whole time) it (thought it was plural)s to hold you over until the dogs are done. But don't eat too much because these things may or may not completely prevent bowel movements and will get you very full and legit ruin your appetite for the forseeable future.

Go ahead and throw the buns in the toaster but make sure the timing is right because if Cheney taught us anything it is that if you get in early with the cronies then you can make sure the data show that tax cuts help no matter what.

Put the dogs on the buns and then condomize. Look at this (no joke these look great and I know it. The thing is that I took these pictures on Saturday, and enjoyed the meal so much that I ate the same thing on Sunday < and if you're doing the math at home you have computed that I still have some on deck and you better believe that I will be making some of these as soon as I finish this post>).

Then what you want to do is plate the meal. Plate it then add garnish and make sure your proportions are right and that you dont have crumbs or any stray food on your plate that wasn't consciously strowen. 

Small last note is that you may find it curious that I added pickle chips instead of relish. For me (to me andy <fifa 2012 in the cards tonight or will I get in on the reading game?>) the crunch of the pickles is really good (as I type this I realize that I ate all the pickles and the rest of the cheez it when I got home from work today, but the catsup and spicy mustard will hopefully suffice <yup, I use the spicy mustard, trust me it "kicks it up a notch" [shout to Avril Levigne {hebrew national?}]

The Reading Game

Been trying to get into this game as well. I'm not talking about becoming a wikipedia wizard or a article assassin but the book game. The book game is something that I have had a feigning interest in for a few years now, but I'm trying to follow through with it and make it one of my main interests. You ask what my other interests are? We'll save that for another day. But the task at hand is that I want to become a learn-ed well read man.

Book I just finished? Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Real talk - this book was better than the movie. For many reasons. Top being I have never seen the movie. But I feel safe saying the layered imagery, character development, and overall depth of inquiry into the sequence of events was far and away superior to anything a director could try to replicate in an hour and a half of screen time. The book delved into the aura and allure that is the city of Savannah, Georgia. It was set in the present day but it crossed all time zones - past, present, and east coast/west coast divides. This book had gays, drag queens, straights, and blacks and whites and so it really appeals to the modern man who is trying to find out about the world beyond his backyard (no homo). Jim Williams is the most uppity American alive and showed that a man can still have class, be gay, and be kind of european in modern day america. Other subjects such as the American justice system and drugs and gay prostitutes were addressed but all around this isn't a book that garners a top rating from my metric. I give it like a 2.5 stars because it was entertaining and did not have alot of  big words etc.

This brings me to last night. I started a new book and I was trying to conquer a major impediment to me not reading more: I fall asleep. There are many confounding issues here but one I realized is that I am always laying down. So I tried something new. Last night I read standing up for about three and a half hours. I am not joking or using the literary technique known as hyperbole. And do you know what? I did not fall asleep. Every once in a while I paced from the kitchen into the living room and maybe leaned against a wall. Other times I shifted from one foot to the other. A few times I put the book on the kitchen counter. Did some calf raises. Put my head against the door and leaned. Leaned against the couch. But I did not sit down for 3-16/32 hours. And I read alot more pages that I would otherwise. For this I think I accomplished something of note.

What are yalls reading strats? 

God Damn(,) America!

Is this how life is supposed to be?

Is this what we want our kids to see and aspire to?

I hope more people can open there eyes and realize that this kid is making a mockery of hard work!

He should be in an office doing real work! Or a manufacturing job somewhere! He will never know what real work means, nor will any of these punks.

Just got to finish a few more reports and then I'll be big time and I'll really have earned it...

The Bumbaclot Coffee Game

I'm simply in it to win it. Recently your boy has been exposed to the coffee game and everything that it entails. It may or may not be the number two thing to do in the civilized world. What is number one? Well that is probably "going out to eat." So it might be argued that the coffee game is a subset of going out to eat - so the coffee game might be the number one thing in EOCD countries to do. The thing is though - you can do it more frequently than eating a whole meal. You can do this before you get into the office. After you get into the office (excuse to step out of the office for a few minutes that is 100% excusable and doesn't appear to be going away a la a smoke break?), and maybe an afternoon coffee. And this is just during the week. The coffee game has a whole other set of dynamics if you are doing it on the weekend.

As most of you know I'm trying to get into having "regular" things that I do. My foray into this concept is really shaping up well, and most wholely formed today. I got to work and finished up some things then wanted to step out of the office to grab a cup. Also, I had a bit of hunger so I wanted to grab a bite. Many sources have shown that McDs has some of the best drip coffee in the game so I copped that. Now, I've been trying to be more health conscious these days watching what I eat etc. so I've been eating sushi for lunch quite often/trying to minimize fast food (a quick addendum would be that on Saturday I ate jack in the box twice in a 20 hour period oops!) so I would optimally not eat breakfast food from McDs. So I did some other research on longevity/quality of life type data and saw Japan #1 and Mediterranean type diets are #2. Now my lunch covers the Japanese approach, and I'd give Japanese type breakfasts a shot, but research indicates no one knows what they eat for bfast. So I go to the Mediterranean option which is like toast or some sort of bread type thing. They don't eat big breakfasts so Ima go with that. So this morning I started something that I hope both 1) gives me regularity in my life (bowel movement pun maybe?) and 2) is something to anticipate doing and occupy (wall st?) time. So I bought the danish (cheese) and coffee and went back up to the office. Was a great experience and I'll keep you guys updated so as to its efficacy.

Now the weekend coffee game is something totally different. I always was a fan of the orange juice because of it's health implications, but coffee is a better option for other reasons. Other reasons = something to do. You go to a diner and you sit and you talk and you drink it and you pour some cream in, and you stir it, and you sip it, and you hold the cup in you hand and you switch hands, and some lady asks you if you want more and you decline, and then you change your mind, and then you comment on how its a pretty good/bad brew, and then you add some more cream, and you finish your food, and you get another cup to wash everything down, and there's bread crumbs that are around your cup and then you add some cream maybe and then you sip and wait till the new cup cools off and then you stir a little and then you warm your hands up on the cup and you take a few drinks. Do you see where this is going? And then you leave and then you walk to your house and you take a nap, and then you have some friends coming over so you brew some for them... and then you go to the corner coffee shop and you guys get some and you talk and you live and you learn and you love.

If you have coffee in your hand (not the bean but brewed in a cup) then you look busy and important and that you have direction. They say variety is the spice of life, but if your life is entirely composed of chaos than you are surely not having variety by continuing to go through life with no structure and consistency. I want to know that I will be going to my desk tomorrow, doing a few tasks then taking the elevator down to grab some coffee and a pastry. "The coffee and pastry game," that is. In a world full of changing temperatures (allegedly), times (speed of light etc), and telemetry - I think we all need to step our coffee game up. 

Da Sandwhich Game

(Hold up one second, making a pot of coffee. Been trying to really embrace the coffee game as well; getting one whenever really have downtime or feel like some extra energy. However, I must say coffee doesn't really have the effect on me that I'd like. Drank some last night circa 9PM - asleep by 10:15 or so. Anyway, my joe is done now..)

The thing about Subway (TM) is that its the cheapest option in the game. If one is sitting at his/her desk contemplating the options for lunch, there really is only one good answer as to maximize quality, quantity, and price. And that is Subway (TM). The only thing is that this has been widely known and taken advantage of for years. Me personally, I grew up on this stuff. Not sure when Subway (TM) started going international but I read something recently that there are more Subway (TM) in the world than McDonalds, peace be upon him. (UCLA game just came on thank goodness because LMU vs. BYU don't no one care about, and Mrs. Obama bro in law etc etc is the coach of Oregon State and they are playing quite well this year) So maybe you international types can feel what I'm saying when it comes to the saturation of Subway (TM) in my diet. To reiterate, price is phenomenal, the footlong is quite alot of food, and you are solely in control of how it tastes as you pick exactly what you want; what we call "bespoke" in high finance. To make this conversation a little more tangible let me include a concrete example:

Okay? The Spicy Italian, a real quality product and let me insure you will not be disappointed, in addition the $5 price tag speaks for itself.

Now let me introduce something of the "big boy" version of the above sandwich. More broadly is the "big boy" version of Subway (TM), Togo's. Togo's was started back in 1985 by a group of Indian immigrants who were interested in using their advances assembly techniques to produce a similar product as Subway (TM) - but that had more taste. These Indian immigrants wanted to share some of their experiences as immigrants with the great country of the United States by taking a sacred product (the sandwich) that was invented by Thomas Jefferson a long time ago. What they did, however, was more nuanced and became a great business case study for the greatest business schools in the world (at least at the time - as you'll see). They changed the pricing schema by offering sizes that did not have equivalents at Subway (TM). The 9 inch sandwich. Most people do not know how to convert the prices from Subway (TM) units to Togo's (nice pass Tyler Lamb) so you don't allow someone to say that something is a horrible deal. In addition they offer you some different sauces and actually give you a little less control over the exact composition of your product. It gives the customer a feeling of exclusivity and the idea that these sandwiches were specially created, and should not be deviated from. They accomplish this well. See the below:

Real solid product that even to the eye looks something less commercial and cookie cutter as the Subway (TM) offering does. In addition, the 9 inch option does not leave one uncomfortably full if they are only moderately hungry - as the Subway (TM) footlong might.

(2nd cup of coffee)

Then we have this:

Let me tell you friends, this is a great tasting sandwich. It is brought to you buy Mendocino Farms and will cost you like ten damn bucks. Honestly, thats too much. But what I will say is that is tastes great. They throw some chubaka bread on their, with some nice sauces and more spicy meat with some peppers and it tastes great. Interestingly enough, because it is so relatively expensive it is very popular. The fact that this more expensive option was introduced it creates the existence of one "being cheap" by not going to get this admittedly superior product over the previously discussed ones. No one wants to be known as cheap. This sandwich is the best tasting of the mentioned italian sandwiches without a doubt.

But is any sandwich worth ten dollars? In fact, is any lunch worth ten dollars? Most likely not. But diversity is the spice of life, and also “Mama Told Me Never Stop ‘Til I Bust A Nut”

Does Coffee Make You Poop or Pee

I don't know. Do you? Choose one before you read the analysis to follow - but I'll warn you that you think you know, but you have no idea.

The analysis begins with a simple google search of the words "Coffee make you poop" and "Coffee make you pee". The results were 1,390,000 and 19,200,000 respectively. Obviously this can mean one of two things. The first being that many people believe that coffee is making them pee more often than they would otherwise so they are doing google searches to find out exactly why - or if their experiences are consistent with others. Second is that the republican propaganda machine is propagating lies. So we must go further to the exact content of the searches. My study methodology is as follows: judge the quality of the top few results. Google's algorithms are 100% without error and the google macing has been mathematically proven to hold under double blind tests so that is a fair method I'd say. In addition, Yahoo answers has proven to give correct diagnoses 97.3% of the time so if you combine these two facts you arrive at the solution that whatever 1) google returns as an answer and subsequently 2) comes from Yahoo answers is true. Now to the good stuff:

For the pee hypothesis:


When you drink coffee do you pee more often?
i realized that ever since ive been drinking iced coffeee form mc d's ive been going to the bathroom more oftenly.

am i going more often b/c of the coffee??
-TTC #2 Baby Dust MEEE!

Okay, where the damn hell do I begin with this one? Lets first say that TTC is doing something right (probably an avid reader of this here blog) and is drinking iced coffee from mcdonalds. He/she is #winning. In addition this is precisely the question at hand. Most people who are interested in the answer to this question are consuming iced coffee from macd's so the answer to this exactly worded question will yield the exact answer we want. What is the answer?

yes it make to pee more. Even some people also need to pee after drinking hot tea.
-tazem b.

Case closed. Oh also, I must mention that this question was asked and answered...4 years ago! People were getting their macd's iced coffee drank on as long as 4 years ago! Man that would have been tight to have gotten in on the game as an OG.

Now for the other side:

Why does iced coffee make you poop?
its either the iced coffee or my parents are slipping me laxatives
-?

This question was submitted to Yahoo Answers (shouldn't it be Yahoo Questions?) only four months ago. So we already reach one conclusion: people only started pooping because of coffee a few months ago so the case doesn't look good already. (DAHHH NOWITSKI JUST TRAVELED) But just for the sake of curiosity, what was the official Yahoo Answer?


Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

It must be the parents since coffee doesn't do that.
Source(s):
CV
-Combat Veteran

Okay so case closed yet again. This answer is proven by the guy's CV and he served our country so the guy cannot possibly do/say anything wrong because if you disagree you're unpatriotic. (DAMNIT JASON TERRY, BUT KOBE GONNA GET A CHANCE NOW TO MAKE A GAME WINNER).

So I guess this concludes the analysis. But still leaves the third case that coffee makes you both poop and pee, but not sure if you could prove that or not (KOBE JUST SAID SOMETHING TO LAMAR) because most people (sheeple or not) both pee and poop when they poop.

(DAHHHHHHHHHHH FISH HIT THE THREE BABYYY LAKERS BABY)

But if others have differing opinions please let it be known below.

Smoking In Movies

This post is going to be short and to the point.

Smoking in movies, and possibly in real life, is the easiest way to look cool. When you want to take a character and make him cool - you have him light up a cigarette.

Smoking causes cancer. This has been well within the purview of the developed world, but people still do it because its cool.

All the coolest people (less JT?) smoke. If you want to be cool you should smoke too.

By Any Other Name

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet"

Authenticity.
Being real.

Would the concept of authenticity be the same in any other terms? Is authentic an admirable quality as some sort of axiom? Can we deduce the desire to obtain authenticity from more basic governing laws of nature? How should we define it?

Authentic is a belief that allows for no deviation. It implies we were born with certain unalienable characteristics, and any attempt to deviate is a flaw. I will loosen this definition by saying that the idea of being authentic means that you should have a basic set of interests and find enjoyment from mainly the same things you did at the age of 14. For some it might be a few years before 14 - and others a few years after 14. But whatever interests you had at that age are the only true, unfettered, unpoluted interests and desires that you should ever have. Not to say they were not void of certain influences, just that whatever influences they were were more pure and for more defensible reasons. Your friends all played basketball so you all watched the same games on tv and read the same magazines so before class started and at lunch you discussed the same topics which were 100% genuinely of interest to you and you had no concept of trying to do so because others thought they were cool. Your friends all like Harry Potter, and bonded over the fact that it was slightly embarrassing to the masses that you enjoyed reading about a boy wizard. Your friends all had acne and were uncomfortable around the opposite sex so this unfortunate genetic trait led you to get interested in things not involving the opposite sex - this means magic the gathering. Now, maybe you were a mix of these things or maybe you had other interests that do not fall into these categories (although I cannot think of anything else) but the point still holds.

The social free market worked its charm and people with common interests found each other and anyone who was not authentic in a particular group was chastised, made fun of, or just simply didn't fit and left the group.

As adults, this changed. At some point it became par for the course (see what I did there) to all of a sudden be interested in working on your golf game. When did it become okay for people to feign their interest in politics? Where did all the magic the gathering people go? Can interests authentically change?

They can. And do. But your interest at the age of 14 more directly speak to who you are then an interest you acquired at the age of 25 in order to have something to talk about at lunch. This isn't to say that the aforementioned ability is not a good one - so as to maintain social relationships where they would not exist otherwise. But someone must clearly identify that interests for any other reason that a continuation of an interest that existed before the age of 15 is not to be trusted. It will only exist as long as it serves another purpose other than enjoyment.

As for the magic the gathering and dungeons and dragons kids. Where are you now? After much struggle and contention through the years is it true that sports fans are the only authentic people out there? They surely appear to be more unwavering than most (hence, authentic) in maintaining their youthful innocence. Are sports the only authentic interest?

Have a reached a more basic issue at hand? Are sports the only authentic interest? Does the real life drama that plays itself out on the small screen in so many different forms offer the only true diversion from all things not sports - so as to provide entertainment in a truly authentic consistent manner over the years? Have people with other interests left their youth and authenticity in the past - accepting to be something other than authentic as an adult? Were they just ignorant to the joys of sports?

WHAT DO PEOPLE WITHOUT SPORTS DO??

Expectations

Here's lookin' at you kid....

Why so serious? Mostly because you probably have goals that dictate a certain level of seriousness is a necessary - yet not a sufficient condition for success. Who has dictated what success is and what exactly the expectations for you are? If you do not live up to these expectations will you disappoint others? Family? Friends? People you don't know? No one? I might posit that depending from which one of the aforementioned groups your expectations were borne, will determine both your success and your failure. Directly related is the ability of others to ascertain with some degree of certainty your true talents. Whatever they may be - they largely form the basis for expectations that others will have for you. Expectations from outside are not assigned at random, and at a first approximation are assigned according to underlying ability. The accuracy for which these talents are ascribed largely determines ones ability to realize expectations based on some a priori expectations.

I will briefly address those bear expectations by those they do not know before I address what will more directly relate to my readers. You run a 4.3 fourty. You are 6'7". You got a wicked jump shot. You can slang the crack rock. You've let it be known you scored a perfect score on the SAT. You often opine on matters of national security and reveal that you have a nack for all things political. You have true incite on the inner workings of the ECB. You hit 15 homeruns in high school. You were always the guy chosen first in PE. People that fit theses descriptions and/or any others that allowed people they didn't know to have clear expectations for them to utilize "god given" talents such as these (or others) inevitably lead to higher levels of disappointment. The unknowns increase the less you know someone. And at the highest levels of achievement - presumably those for which expectations lie amongst those who have strong innate physical or outwordly facing intellectual skill - matter the most. You cannot observe intangibles which make people great, so your expectations fail. You don't know the 17 year old who throws 90 miles an hour enjoys smoking weed more than working on his mechanics or learning the game. You don't know that the kid in your poli sci class who understands why the succession in North Korea hangs so precariously in the balance - has not the drive to develop the ability to translate knowledge into actionable policy. Yet, its also very fun to talk about these people who so obviously failed the expectations we all had for them before they achieved anything.

And then there's me and you. We stand to have strong ability to shirk any abilities that we may have that lead to expectations - obtainable or otherwise. However, we have within our control the ability to leave the game altogether. Eliminate both the downside risk, and any upside. No one knows what you can achieve because your abilities do not fly in anyone's face. No let down there. Your expectations are what you make them out to be, or what (insert close family/friend/significant other) place on you. You don't achieve them and you only have (insert close family/friend/significant other) to imagine what could have been. Luckily, these are the same people who will easiest get past these expectations.  Set these expectations low for yourself - or convince yourself failure was out of your hands - and you can leave a smooth life without really going for anything great. No harm no foul.

If you're an average joe, by definition you scored par for the course and no one can say what could have been. If you're Darko Milicic you will never be able to escape public prosecution by every overweight sports fan who ever watched an NBA game. However, since you're not Darko - you never had the scrutiny or expectations that might have allowed you, or pushed you to become the next Tim Duncan, in whatever venue the NBA is in your sphere of life. For most of us it might be optimal to not face these kind of expectations. But for most of us who have no expectations of this kind - it easily can lead to a life of "who knows" rather than "what could have been."

Here's Lookin' at You Kid

"You left a void in my life" - Samantha,  Synecdoche, New York
"If you come back and blog again, I'll give you 300 million USD" - Sarah, Gotham City
"The country has lost it's way -we need you back" - She Ple, Texas
"Imagine smokin' weed in the streets without cops harassin'" - Nasir Jones, QB

This is why I'm back. I received tens of thousands of emails over the last few months - and I saw that this blog wasn't about me. It was about giving people nothing less than a reason to live. There's not much else great going on out there and the data shows that crime and overall restlessness increased 31.7% since I last posted. I read a book one time that said "come forth and spread what you have - adding where he adds most and not subtracting where there is nothing to add." So I'm back wearing the 45.

So let me begin with a subject that really has been appealing to me recently. That of routine. Also routines. For example:

"It's Saturday morning, so it's time for me to go get a coffee from Sam's Coffee Shop and read the funnies"

or

"Good thing it's Tuesday night, because that means I need to go pickup some more bread."

or

"I'm looking forward to getting out of work on Thursday because I always go to the pet store and see what new strays Mildred has found."

These types of things.
They provide purpose and minimize idleness that leads to deep thought on issues of any sort - most particularly towards those that involve introspection and potential paths of dissapointment on life's current path. It would be nice to come home every Wednesday night and know with 100% certainty that you cannot socialize with friends because you are making real progress on a new puzzle that you've been working on for the last 9, 10 months. In addition, you can create an imagine of "business" that makes you feel - and appear important and occupied. Always being available to hang out makes you look pathetic to others, and to yourself. Period. Does this mean lie about being able to meet up with friends every once in a while to build this aura of mystery? Perhaps. But more important the concept of building a routine will kill to birds with one stone. And we all know that one in the hand is worth two in the bush. (he lied?)

Here's lookin at you kid.