Just not much to say

I ain't leave the game - trust - it's just that I don't got much to say recently. I'm really in a grove right now as far as life goes and living it. Days a really merging into one and trying to deviate less and less from the day prior so as to trick my mind into maybe not aging anymore, so that I can live in this fantasy life forever.

The young asian girl (no mynx) who serves me my cheese danish every couple days has also remembered my order, and when I go get an iced coffee at the end of the day - that broad knows not to put alot of ice in it and to just put cream no sugar (no homo [yes drizzy]).

Other things that have been on my mind is why isn't there a Rosetta Stone for learning Patois, and that if you were dying would you want no one to know - or would you want people to know. Both have pluses and minuses (I'm referring to yes there being a Rosetta Stone so you can sound like Movado, and no, that either you have it or you don't.)

That's all I got today except for keep your cards close to your chest - except for to your real friends because you got to tell someone so as to have some amount of accountability (particularly when referring to getting your athletic on).

GUEST BLOG - MLB 2012 Season Preview brought to you by ya boi Falstad

The man behind the blog has recently conducted some market research and found a few things: 1) dick cheney killed trayvon martin 2) the readers want more guest posts and 3) the viewers on this blog is heavily biased towards baseball fans.

Well today's your lucky muther effing day y'all. I present to you (not to you Glo) Falstad's 2012 MLB preview.

Let's start with some division winners...
AL West
Rangers - sorry angels but this team won the division by 10 damn games last year and should've won the World Series!! darvish looks legit, J-Ham hit a 500 ft HR yesterday, i think ian 'the silent jew' kinsler is a sneaky (Col. Hans Landa) MVP candidate this year, and Bush has his hands in the team still.
AL Central
Tigers - defense is a question mark but this division pretty much sucks and they gunna score damn runs. (buster posey just smoked a double into left field). verlander/miggy/prince is a nice tony jr trio (best pitcher-hitter-hitter trio in the game? probably)
AL East
Rays - boy oh boy the AL east huh? Rays are pretty sick, they got their pitching game proper and Andrew Friedman is the best GM in da game ("when in doubt, go with the jew" - Ghandi). I also think Longoria and Zobrist are two of the cooler names in da game.
NL West
Giants - y'all knew that was coming ahahahah dahhhhhhhh. on the real tip, Buster Poseys HIV medication has been real effective lately so he might be productive this year. MadBum's prognosis is still TBD.
NL Central
Cardinals - I think they are a good team at baseball. I also recently ate 4 doritos locos supreme tacos and feel diarrhea brewing in my body.
NL East
Phillies - lolerz their two best hitters are out for a long time. but theyre pitching is still tite as fuck and no one else in the division really revs my engine.

AL Wildcard 1: Angels AL Wildcard 2: Yankees [[Angels win stupid 1 game playoff]]
NL Wildcard 1: Dbacks NL Wildcard 2: Reds [[Dbacks win 1 game playoff]]

Playoffs (presented with little to no commentary!)...
Division Series
Rangers over Tigers
Angels over Rays

Cardinals over Dbacks
Phillies over Giants (lol woops)

Championship Series
Angels over Rangers (can you believe it! same division)
Phillies over St Louis (again!)

World Series
Angels - i wish i hadn't picked the Angels - little too corporate/popular/not-hipster pick. but things just worked out that way and i'm not going back to change things

Now for the awards section lol...
AL MVP
Jacoby Ellsbury - lot of h8rz been predicting a regression from Jells. I don't have any good counter to those claims but my extreme xenophobia is preventing me from selecting any of the runner ups (A-Gonzo, Bautista, Miggy, Cano)
NL MVP
Justin Upton aka J-Up aka the Big Meech aka Thas Why i Fucked Yo Bitch You Fat Muther Fucker (runners up - Kemp, Braun, Votto)
AL Cy Young
Felix Hernandez - fuck the AL. My stomach has calmed down- diarreah post-poned (runners up - Verlander, Weaver, Wilson, Sabathia)
NL Cy Young
Madison Bumgarner - yep i done picked a Giant! but not the one you thought! The big southern dandy is poised for a huge year! hes quietly been the giants best pitcher the last 1.5 seasons. (runners-up: Kershaw, Halladay, Kennedy, Hamels, Cain, JJohnson [yup I didn't name Timmy, can you believe that?])
AL ROY
Yoenis Cespedis - have you seen this guy hit? wow! (i've seen maybe 4 at bats) (Runners-up: Matt Moore, Darvish, Montero)
NL ROY
Zach Cozart - aint gunna lie i had to look up NL ROY candidates and i just picked Cozart cuz no one else did (Runners-up: Pomeranz, Yonder Alonso)

Now a few fun awards. Trust me you're going to have a lot of fun....
Tony Jr. Award (awarded to the player who is the most ballplayer tony jr powerful figure)
Giancarlo Stanton - this award belongs to J-Up, but i didn't want to double-dip so i went with the young brown RF in miami. he's a real powerful figure in his own right.
Roe v Wade Award (awarded to the player with the biggest abortion of a year (has to underperform expectations))
[player] Barry Zito - "but we already know he's going to suck" you're saying. yes, but i honestly think we "aint seen nothin yet." I think Zeet's is released mid-June with a double digit ERA. He absolutely is an abortion - and his fastball tops out at 82!! Yuck! (runners up: Jeter, Vogelsong (2 giants mentioned here? what am i doing?), Strasburg)
[team] Marlins - would just be funny really if they sucked and still had no fans w the new stadium and song -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw2HtRQ2U8Y
Allahu Akbar Award (sleeper (cell) awards lol)
[player] Carl Crawford - this guy is still tite i think
[team] Indians - saw this pick on another website and they made some good comments to back it up.
Rob Gronkowski Award (player most likely to have sexual relations with your 16 year old sister)
Nick Swisher - he's a pretty sick bro. i think he's now married to a playmate or something but i bet he still has a really good time when he goes out places.
Buster Posey Award (player most likely to come out of the closet during the season)
Danny Valencia - i saw him on MLB network and he's real clean cut and dresses well. aka gay.

Well that's gunna just about do it. If you read this post you really wasted a significant portion of your day and need to evaluate how you spend your free time. As for me, I'm going to mosey over to the toilet, pop my shirt off (yep, really) and take a filthy wet shit. Au revoir, Shoshanna.